Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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