Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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