oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Come share oat with me in your robe
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize