brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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