YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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