this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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