youre lurking in front of me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
