If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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