I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
