So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
