You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
