We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
