I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
