lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
