Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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