Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
