Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize