He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
