No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
