We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
