You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
