I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
