I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
