i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
