do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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