HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
