A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
