he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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