Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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