Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
