You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize