Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize