I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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