She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
