Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
