Tell her she can't have a vagina
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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