You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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