do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
