If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
