I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
