Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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