turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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