I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
