we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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