the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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