She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
