He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
