we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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