I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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