I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
