so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
