It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
