I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize