I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
