You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
