Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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