Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
