Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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