I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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