I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
