because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
