Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
