sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize