Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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