so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
