she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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