i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize