So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
