It's like a parade of train wrecks.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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