I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
